I’m not sure if it’s just me, or if all moms have the same problem, but I don’t know how to relax. For whatever reason, I have a hard time doing things for myself when there’s so much to be done for everyone else. This undoubtedly contributes to my struggle with anxiety.
So on Thursday, when the kids went to camp for the day, I snuggled up on the couch with a book and read for a few hours. I dozed a little after that. I had a nice little lunch and a phone chat with my mom. Things I did not do — fold laundry, wash dishes, straighten the slipcovers, make the beds or put out the recycling.
It felt so good that on Saturday afternoon I did the same thing (though after a morning of chores and play).
The kids are getting older and don’t need me for constant amusement or care. And yet I am always “on”, never really turning off until Ray comes home and the kids are asleep and I know he will take over in the night hours as he has ever since they were babies.
So, away with the guilt! What’s wrong with spending an hour with a good book on a scorching summer day? Why should moms have to wait until the kids are out or sleeping to take a little time for themselves? They shouldn’t, of course.
So from now on, in the daylight hours, I will try to relax and do something not Mommy-related, something just for me — like tackle the enormous pile of waiting-to-be-read books on my nightstand.