The beginning…and an end

After months of waiting, Joanna finally got to start preschool today.  It wasn’t a tough transition.  After all, she’s been going to the school since she was born, when the big kids first started there.  She knows her way around all the rooms, all the toys, all the teachers.  It was hard to get pictures because she was so busy!

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So now, three mornings a week, I have an empty house for 2 and a half hours.  For the first time in almost eight years.  The silence is lovely now.  My mind is spinning with plans for how to use those 180 minutes.  

And yet, a part of me aches because the end of a time has begun, the end of the time when I was their whole world, the time when everything they experienced was shared with me, Ray, the family.  Today begins the time when they do what children are supposed to do — leave their parents.   Already Mitzi and Cooper have their own lives, small to be sure, but their own lives of which I don’t know the details.  Friends, teachers, thoughts, feelings, games, laughter , struggles, fears — there is so much that they go through every day that I’ll never know, except what they remember to tell me, what they want to tell me.  They are growing up, and I couldn’t be prouder of who and where they are now.   Still, the leaving, as small as their steps are today, squeezes my heart.

Ellie and Joanna are starting that road too, with as much speed as their little legs can muster.  Not very far, not for very long.  But they are running to greet their own lives.   

It’s what they’re supposed to do.    I stand behind them, savoring the moment.  I hope they always feel the excitement and possibility that they feel today.

I hope they always know that I will always be here, when it’s time, at last, to come home.

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2 thoughts on “The beginning…and an end

  1. It’s always hard to let the birds fly away. You taught them how to fly, gave them your love and values. You know they still need and want your help but want to be “independent” at the same time.

    Your blessed, you may not have them 24 hours a day anymore but you have then most of the time. In the mean time spend some quality “Jen Time”. You deserve it.

    When the school bus stops and the kids run up the steps you can hug them and welcome them home and hear about their day, help them with their homework and tuck them into bed.

    What’s better then that?

  2. oh, i remember so well that feeling of the little ones venturing out into the world, and in some ways wondering where it left me. would they still share with me, how could i protect them from the hurts of the world. I’m sure my mother felt the same way. But, in truth, they never go very far if they are anything like their grandparents generation or their parents. LaFamiglia stays together and although they have their own lives to go off and discover, they always find their way back to the nest as long as they can. These days, I long for the nest that is no longer mine to return to. xo

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