Rejections, self-esteem, and the big picture

The other day I was rejected.  It’s funny.  The rejection really hurt, even though it was a relationship I initially had no thoughts about, at least not in a serious way.

I’m  both surprised and  nonchalant about the rejection.   On the one hand, who could possibly turn my writing (and, therefore, me) down?  On the other hand,  it’s no surprise that I was (politely, kindly, if-only-you-were-my-type) let down.

I have the classic writer’s brain — I am at the same time a self-effacing, low-self-esteem artist, and the egocentric, confident author.  Both surprised and shocked by your interpretation and acceptance (or not) of my work, and therefore, me.

Oh, you know.  You’ve been there.  The guy who’d have been your boyfriend — since you were already such good friends — if only you were  his “type.”  For a writer, or any artist, this is a daily experience.

So, I was rejected by an agent I didn’t initially know I cared about.  She contacted me first, and I was flattered, interested…oh, I was so confident!  I was sure I was right for her!   But in the end, it was not to be.  Reading her assessment of my work — which led her ultimate rejection of me — I could nod and say, yes.  That’s right.  It’s a fair, objective assessment.

So I revise.  I believe in my talent.  I challenge myself to move beyond the ordinary to the extraordinary.  I mean, geez.  I can get an A on any old paper.  I can write a standard news story or a feature profile with the best of ’em.  But long-lasting art?  A  unique perspective?  A truth heretofore untold?  An investigative scoop?   It’s in me!   I know it is!  The question is if I have the courage to give it legs and eyes.  I am very good at being average.  I have thrived on being average.  I could make a career of it.

But is that enough?

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One thought on “Rejections, self-esteem, and the big picture

  1. Your not average. If you were you would have stopped writing a long time ago. I hear a lot of acceptance and willingness in your word. Your on a journey and you need a mentor/guide to help you along the way. Don’t become like me–afraid to make a mistake and be critized. Be open to suggestions, be willing to shut up and follow suggestions.There is nothing bad about being self centered as long as you don’t shut out other peoples suggestions.

    You know full well that I did that for many years on my journey and it wasn’t until I was willing to take direction and help that I was able to move down the road that I’m on.

    Remember that quitters never win. The goal is just around the corner and you mustn’t give up until you cross the finish line.” Mr. Big “didn’t start out as a success, he had to work dam hard on his craft even when he was well established. He never stopped practising and writing even when he retired. If he were here today he would tell you that you have a gift and you will achive your dreams.

    I look forward to reading your next effort!

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