Here I am at 7:30 on a strangely quiet Saturday night. Ray has taken Mitzi and Cooper to the Puppet Showplace Theater in Brookline, to see a Halloween performance of the Gerwick Puppets. Too scary for the little girls, we decided. Instead, after our early (4:30 p.m.) dinner, Ellie, Joanna and I made popcorn and watched “Flushed Away”.
I don’t expect the others to return until nine, or later. I relish the quiet house, but at the same time feel slightly edgy. I hate to squander my alone time, but am too tired to feel motivated to do much. I ought to write, I remind myself. Now is the perfect time. Having recently submitted a manuscript to a publisher, I ought not rest on my laurels. Perfect another, send it on its way, and so on. Write. I might.
Saturday night. Remember what that meant? Date night, hanging out night, narrowly miss getting into serious trouble night. With kids and a nonexistent discretionary fund for Ray and I, it’s now get to bed early and sleep late tomorrow night. I don’t mind so much. Sleep is precious.
Tomorrow in the late afternoon Mitzi is going to see “High School Musical 3” with a friend; Cooper is going to a birthday party. I’m sending Ray to the Y in the morning with the little girls for free swim. Equity is impossible, but it’s the least we can do for our 2 and 3 year olds who don’t yet have a peer group with whom to socialize.
Making choices. I’ve never been very good at it. I’ve never spent too much time learning how to choose from my heart, my conscience, too often choosing what I think will please most people at the same time. One of the many character traits I hope to not pass on to my kids. So I try my best, I practice choosing what I want, what I think is right. I choose to give the little girls some special time with their Dad, even though their social time (playdates and parties and alone time with Dad) will come, just as it did for their big brother and sister, (who, when they were 2 and 3 years old, to be honest, had very little in the way of social diversions, what with a newborn at home and Mommy pregnant with number four and Daddy working far away). I choose this because I know it is the right thing to do today, not because it is equitable and fair.
If only all of life’s choices were that easy. Then again, maybe they are. Maybe it is we who make situations more complex than they need to be. Choose from the heart. Do what you believe to be right.
Not so complicated, after all.